10 Ways to Take Radical Responsibility for Your Life
Radical responsibility is the foundational practice of a well-lived life, and the first step toward personal freedom.
Bronnie Ware, a palliative care nurse who served patients in the final weeks of their lives, says that,
"One of the most common regrets of the dying is this: 'I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself.'"
Bronnie found that most people believed they had not honored even half their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they made, or not made.
What would it look like to live a life true to yourself, to be 100% responsible for the choices you make – or don't make?
Ten ways to take radical responsibility for your life
1. Make choices based on what’s actually true, rather than what you think should be true.
❌ "I should be promoted." "My partner should listen more."
✅ "I'll get my resume together." "I'll ask my partner for what I need."
2. Assert and reinforce your feelings, needs, boundaries, and requests; don't assume others know how you feel or what you need.
❌ "My friend should listen, not give advice." "My manager should know I want a promotion." "My team needs to stop calling me on the weekends."
✅ "I will share with my friend how I feel when they give me advice, and what I'd like from them instead." "I'll prepare a case for my promotion and bring it to my boss." "I'll reiterate my working hours to my team and stop answering my work phone on the weekends."
3. Take ownership of your past choices and future dreams. Don't blame others or external circumstances.
❌ "My company never does the right thing, I'll be stuck here forever." "My relationship is making me miserable."
✅ "It's up to me to figure out how to get a Director-level role and increase my salary." "I'll own my decisions in my relationship."
4. Honor the personal power of others. Treat others as creative, whole, and resourceful rather than needing your help or values for their own good.
❌ "My son needs to cut his hair if he wants a good job." "My teammate never gets it right; I have to walk her through every step." "Achievement is the only thing that matters."
✅ "My son's hair and its impact on his life is his own business." "My teammate will figure it out on her own time... or face her own consequences." "Achievement is the only thing that matters for me."
5. Filter for present-moment thinking; don't get mentally stuck in the past (you can't change it) or focus on the future (it's impossible to predict.)
❌ "I can't get over what my friend said at the party." "Let's play out the 100+ possible outcomes of this."
✅ "I'll share how I feel and what I need with my friend and move on." "I've made the best choice I can with the information I have."
6. Focus on what's in your control; accept what's not. (Hint: you are in control of yourself and no one else.)
❌ "John's problem is..." "Jane doesn't do..." "Jacques should do..."
✅ "My problem is ..." "I will take action by..." "I will remove myself from this situation." "The reality of the situation is...and I accept it even though I don't like it."
7. Be radically honest with yourself and your values; don't go along with others because it's easier.
❌ "I work too much because my job values a grind mentality." "My family expects me to be very outgoing so I often put on a show."
✅ "I choose to put healthy boundaries in place." "I value tranquility and set aside quiet time regularly." "I left my job/relationship because I was unable to live my values within it."
8. Practice your ability to respond to your emotions, sensations, and thoughts in a way that's useful; don't get sucked into a thought or feeling because it arises.
❌ "I've had a terrible day so I'm going to pick a fight with my partner." "I'm afraid of who might judge me if I was to share on social media."
✅ "I need some alone time to process what happened today." "It makes sense that I'm scared, but when I look at the evidence it's unlikely that anything bad will happen and if it does I can handle it."
9. Practice self-compassion: treat yourself with kindness and grace, set realistic standards, and recognize that to err is human.
❌ "I'm a failure because I didn't get this job." "I need to have 100 beautiful slides to back up the presentation I'm doing tomorrow." "I'm not very good at guitar so I won't play."
✅ "I'm disappointed that I didn't get his job; anyone would be." "I'll do the presentation with just notes; I don't need to go the extra mile all the time." "I'm not very good at guitar but I enjoy and that's enough."
10. Take action. Action is reciprocal with confidence. Don't stay stuck because you're unsure or the path is unclear. Take a step forward.
❌ "I don't know what my next career move is so I guess I'll stay here." "I'm afraid to put my creation out there."
✅ "I'll start gathering advice and data from people who know me well." "I'll beta test this idea with a small group of people, gather feedback, and go from there."
Remember, you are the creator of your own life – no one is coming to save you.
