Should-ing Yourself
Do you ever catch yourself saying things like:
"I should respond to emails faster"
"I should meditate more"
“I should be rich/better employed by now"
There is nothing wrong with wanting any of these things... but when a "should" is attached to it, you may want to consider it as a warning sign ⚠️
In my case, I tend to Should Myself when I let my striver self assign a less-than-totally-necessary task or assignment. For example, "I should really write another webinar" is an expectation I place on myself that feels, literally, like a weight on my shoulders — and my upper back and shoulders tighten up like crazy when I think about it.
For me, this kind of Should is my clingiest old message living large: hard work = success / my value is based on my output.
So I hear you saying, "but what if, Vanessa, you really should write another webinar? What if it turns out to be an important next step in your business?"
The fact of the matter is, we can't predict the future so it's impossible to know. The intention behind writing another webinar is to grow my business, which arguably I can also be doing in a zillion other ways that I want to and enjoy doing.
I have a "should" - now what?
GET CURIOUS
Ask yourself: "Am I doing this because I want to or because I think I should?" If it's a Should then ask, "Why do I believe I should?,” "What do I fear will happen if I don't do it?," “Where did I get the idea that there is a correct way to do this thing?,” “Who or what might have influenced me to believe this?”
The simple practice of paying attention to our Shoulds and questioning them will open up new awareness and possibilities.
I will caveat this by saying, though this sounds simple, it's not easy. Should-ing Yourself is a great trick to keep yourself feeling safe and in control of life — follow these Should rules and things will turn out fine!
It takes some willingness to get vulnerable and start looking at things you've possibly long held as true. It's normal for trepidation of opening Pandora's box to be present as you begin to get curious. Be gentle with yourself.
